title pic

by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list


Coming soon.......Colly in Your Mailbox! Yes Cauliflower Drove is now available via a purpose-created mailing list. Have each and every episode mailed directly to your mailbox rather then having to access it here within Ely On-Line. Make life easy.... get Colly in your mailbox by sending an e-mail to collymail@ely.org.uk

Episode 79 - "Rather Mulfrey, Yaxley" (May 19th 1998 3.10)

the skatersThe FA Cup final was only ten minutes old and the assembled regulars of The Skaters Run were beginning to voice their opinions on the quality of the play and the decisions that the referee was making. Amid the hubbub, Sergeant Dave 'Stumpy' Stumpsfield was laying prostrate on the floor amongst the remains of the chair he had just destroyed, by merely shifting his posture on the unsuspecting seat. Johnny Swift appeared from behind the bar and helped up the hapless member of the Constabulary. Stumpy installed himself in a replacement chair and carried on with his pint of Hammerhead, which he had saved from spillage during his fall from grace. Johnny Swift cleared up the wooden debris and took it over to the kindling box next to the fire with a shake of the head. That made a total of three chairs that Stumpsfield had broken in his time at the pub. Yaxley sipped deeply from his pint of Threaknecks and felt the beer take effect. Not really a 'hair of the dog' pint, it was too late for that, but he did feel better for it. His head had only really cleared from the previous night's session at about ten o'clock that morning. His time in the Fens so far had passed at such a breakneck speed that he would have felt disorientated whether he had had a skinful or not. He had been, he must admit, as drunk as a sack. Whatever the hell that meant.

Yaxley sidled along the bar, edging past a glazed eyed Graham Trent.Trent was mouthing, 'C'Mon Tone ! C'Mon Tone' as the Arsenal Captain loped forward toward the Newcastle half, with all the grace of a giraffe running for a bus. Trent appeared to either ignore, or be unaware of Yaxley as he arrived at the stool next to Fred Rickett's. Fred was still sipping on his whisky, apparently uninterested in the sporting drama being played out on the TV. Yaxley whispered a 'hello' to Rickett's and gestured that they should move further into the corner and out of earshot of Trent. 'Afternoon Fred' said Yaxley. 'I thought I'd better apologise for my behaviour last night. I hope I haven't caused you too much work with that carpet of yours'. Rickett's grinned and swallowed the last of his scotch. He pushed the glass across the bar towards Yaxley and said,'Yew fill that up with a large 'un and I'll say no more about it, bor !' Yaxley attracted Johnny Swift's attention and his debt was quickly repaid. Fred took a long pull on the fresh glass and thumped it down on the bar. 'There'll be a few more 'o them afore the afternoon's out an all' he said before wiping his hand across his mouth. Yaxley frowned. Fred didn't strike him as the kind of man that would sit and deliberately get drunk on his own. 'Is there anything wrong Fred' he asked. Rickett's pursed his lips and replied 'Yes...Yes there is bor. I found my Bella half dead and throwing a fit this mornin' and she were right as rain last night weren't she ?' The old man's rheumy eyes began to glisten and Farcett could see that he was fighting to contain himself. 'There have been people coming down to my caravan recently and I've had threats, just like Reg had. He told me about it at the last meeting about the power station. Y'see, my caravan is on the land next to Thompson's Wood. I bought my four acres off of Hummer after his old dad died. All the deals were done at the same time. I've been living down there since the early sixties and I used to rent off Hummer's Dad, but when he died, Hummer were advised to sell it all. So I bought my four acres and Hummer gave the fourteen acres next door to the council, for the wood, like it said in his Dad's will.' Yaxley moved closer to the old man and said 'What sorts of threats Fred ?' Rickett's face grew serious and he replied, 'Bastards just kept saying that the power station would get built whatever I thought about it and my land was going to be used as an access road and I would be thrown out whether I liked it or not...ended up offering me twenty thousand pounds...What the bloody hell would I do with twenty thousand pounds ?' Yaxley thought of Fred's caravan with its gas lamps and books and had to agree with the man. He didn't need any more money than was necessary to keep him fed and watered. 'So they actually said they were going to build on the wood did they?' asked Yaxley. Fred said angrily, 'Well they didn't know. They were just some hired bloody thugs from Cambridge sent to scare me, but it don't take much working out to know that there's something a bit bloody Mulfrey about all this'. He paused before saying..'and now they've poisoned my Bella ! And I reckon that cocky bastard over there is involved in all this somehow' and he nodded with venom towards the figure of Graham Trent.

The prologue - Episode One -  Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 -  Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 -  Episode 8 -  Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 -  Episode 23 - Episode 24 -  Episode 25 - Episode 26 -  Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 -  Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 -  Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 61 - Episode 62 - Episode 63 - Episode 64 - Episode 65 - Episode 66 - Episode 67 - Episode 68 - Episode 69 -  Episode 70 -  Episode 71 - Episode 72 -  Episode 73 -  Episode 74 -  Episode 75 - Episode 76 -  Episode 77 - Episode 78 - Episode 80 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.

Comments to drove@ely.org.uk

Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"

Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.

Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.

DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!

MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?

James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."

World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader