by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
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Episode 73 - "Positively Ambrosial" (May 19th 1998 1.30pm)
After leaving Anne Worthington to her flower arranging duties at Ealham Cathedral, Yaxley returned to the police station to collect Brian Worthington. He parked the patrol car and got out to find Brian waving frantically to him from the passenger seat of Farcett's Ford Escort. Yaxley did some very poor miming to indicate that he was about to enter the station to get back into his own clothes, which he fervently hoped that Stumpsfield had managed to clean and dry. His miming was so bad that Stumpsfield came out to see what was wrong.
'Yor clothes are ready Farcett ! Stop buggering about out here and get changed. My shift finishes soon and I want to get over to The Skaters for the footie !' Yaxley groaned, this place is too claustrophobic. Now he's going to the pub as well. Ten minutes later found Farcett and Worthington on the way to 'Like Chips In The Night'. They pulled into the car park and Yaxley suddenly remembered that Fiona would be there. 'Shit !' he shouted. 'I'll turn the damn thing off then !' replied Brian sounding hurt. He snapped the cassette player off, bringing 'Who pays The Ferryman' to an abrupt end. 'I happen to like Chris De Burgh, there's no need to get snotty about it'. Yaxley turned to face Brian. 'What ?' he snapped. It was too late. Brian had already opened his door and was heading towards the palace of Burgorial Delight. Farcett then realised that his outburst at the prospect of seeing the girl he had spent the previous night with and subsequently discovered that her Father was a prime suspect in the Dixon murder, had been misconstrued by the main stream rock loving Worthington. He climbed wearily out of the car and shouted to Brian, 'Come here you soft sod. I didn't mean Chris De Burgh is shit.... I meant 'Oh dear, Fiona's at work in here and I'm about to enter an embarrassing situation'.
Brian glared at him. 'Ok. Apology accepted. Anyway, what's the problem ? I thought yew two was getting on alright. She slept in yor bed dint she ?' Yaxley tried, in vain, to remember the details of the previous night. He could recall being sick in Fred Rickett's caravan and then walking home with Fiona. Apart from that there were vague recollections of pizza being eaten before blacking out on the settee. He knew with a fair degree of certainly that he and Fiona hadn't 'done it'. He was more concerned about her Father being a potential murderer. They sat down at the same table as they had done the previous afternoon. The place was almost full. Yaxley gazed around the room, looking for Fiona but she wasn't about. He did notice a familiar figure sitting in the corner who appeared to be arguing with the young waitress, Lucille Hall. Yaxley nudged Brian and whispered under his breath 'Bri...who's that ? I know him from somewhere'. Brian glanced over Yaxley's shoulder and replied, 'Blimey, yew did have too much to drink. That's 'im what got chased by Prescott and his mates. He seems to have recovered now'. Suddenly, it all came back to Yaxley as he looked at Clive Lancaster sitting across the room with his wife Gail and daughter, Kieva, who was strapped into her high chair and had what looked like tiling grout smeared all over her face. Lucille Hall was explaining that as the lettuce in Clive's burger was sandwiched, literally, between the top of the bap and the meat it wouldn't be ice chilled lettuce. 'But this lettuce is TEPID !' shouted Lancaster, causing the patrons of East Anglia's premier road side eating establishment to spin round to see what the fuss was.
'There's something about him I can't stand' said Yaxley. 'Fancy moaning about the lettuce. What a git.' No sooner had he said that than Fiona Morgan was standing at his side, notebook in hand. Even dressed in the 'Like Chips' corporate outfit, she looked gorgeous, and Yaxley regretted drinking so heavily the night before. Fiona smiled her 'company' smile and enquired as to whether the two gentlemen would be requiring any food and if they had ever had any problem with the temperature of the salad filling in a 'BrunchBurger'. 'No' replied Brian, 'The last one I had were bloody lovely Fiona. What about you Yaxley ?' A distracted Farcett was looking Fiona up and down, taking in her breasts which were straining against the cotton of the uniform she was wearing and he gulped throatily...'Fantastic, Brian. Positively Ambrosial !'
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 - Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 61 - Episode 62 - Episode 63 - Episode 64 - Episode 65 - Episode 66 - Episode 67 - Episode 68 - Episode 69 - Episode 70 - Episode 71 - Episode 72 - Episode 74 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader