by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 49 - "A Confession" - (May 19th 1998 08:10)
Brian Worthington switched on Yaxley Farcett's television and settled himself in the Drainage Inspectors comfy armchair. 'Are yew comin' over The Skaters later to watch the Cup Final ?' he asked. 'Johnny's got a big screen in 'cos his old lot are playing The Arsenal'. Farcett, who was still holding on to his sink and leaning in like an animal looking at it's reflection in a puddle, replied 'Uhh yeah yeah...probably. I've got a few things to do.... Like solving a murder' he added a little rattily. 'Don't yew worry bor' said Brian. 'Yew asked me to help and I hev been. While yew've been snoring in here I've been down the Drove with John and Darren and loaded up them pigs. We were down there at har' pust five.' Farcett turned round in surprise. He hadn't been looking forward to the pig moving session. He took a chance. 'I don't suppose you had a chance to get a sample of saliva for me to send off to the lab to find out what the pigs have been eating did you ?' Bunter beamed a smile wider than the Ouse. 'Better than that. We got some spittle in a bag and John got 'ol 'Prescott' to piddle in a milk bottle. We got the pigs back to the farm and took the samples over to Sergeant Stumpsfield at Ealham station. He's gonna get the boffins in Cambridge to check 'em and give yew a ring later on your cordless mobile telephone'.
Farcett was so impressed at this display of efficiency that he almost forgot to feel awful for a minute. 'Brian, what can I say ? Thanks very very much'. Worthington smiled again. He knew that all possible steps must be taken to clear the way for football.
As Farcett began to return to normality, Brian told him to sit down and he
took over kitchen duties. A strong cup of black coffee was made and placed
in the Yorkshireman's hands. 'Git that down yew. I'll nip to the shop and
get a few eggs and some bacon. I like a fry up on a Saturday morning'. Farcett
sipped the coffee and did admit that he could just squeeze down a small plateful.
As Worthington was disappearing out of the door he shouted '..and maybe some
black pudding if they've got some'. It must be one of the finest traits of
the English, that we can consume huge platefuls of greasy, cholesterol raising,
artery hardening Cak even in the face of adversity and self inflicted illhealth,
thought Yaxley before returning to the sink. After another 'purging of the
soul' he sank down into his armchair and turned on the radio that stood on
the mantelpiece. An overly enthusiastic presenter was inviting listeners
to call into the station to comment on a variety of topics. 'Keep it tuned
to Gasbag 109' he advised. 'You know the number !' Having said that, he then
read out the number. A task he would perform over fifty times in the next
hour. In fact if the constant repetition of the station phone number and
adverts were taken out, there would be virtually nothing else. 'Ok, you're
through to Gasbag' said Sidney Prince' 'What have you got to say ?' Yaxley
Farcett pricked up his ears as a strange voice came on the line. Not so much
a 'voice' as a sound. It was synthesised in the same way as Professor Stephen
Hawking. 'I have a confession to make' the voice told Cambridgeshire.....'I
killed Reg Dixon !!'
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 50 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to email@example.com
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader