by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 39 - "Green to Go" - (May 18th 1998 11.20pm)
'Come on' bellowed Yaxley Farcett. 'Someone must be wearing green pants. They stopped the train in The Railway Children with a pair of red ones. I'm sure we can get one going with a green pair. If we shine a torch through them, the driver will be able to see'. There was a general unzipping, unbuttoning and in Hummer Thompson's case unbelting and unbracing, as the Skaters Run regulars all struggled to get a glimpse of what colour underwear they had on. Unbeknown to them, Jimmy Bullock, the signalman had been back to the box to fetch his official green flashlight. He stood behind Yaxley and coughed. Farcett gave up his drunken fumbling with the buttons of his 501's and turned to Jimmy. "Was' up ?" he asked. Jimmy Bullock laughed and said, 'S'alright mate. You lot can get out of the way now and I'll take over' and he shone the torch in Yaxley's face. Farcett coughed embarrassedly and shouted at everyone to get out of the way so that Mr.Bullock could take over.
Two minutes later the Royal Train creaked arthiritically over Cauliflower Drove crossing. Two distinguished faces had their noses pressed to their coach window and steam was beginning to form. They were greeted with the tableau that had caused the holding up of the train. Standing at the side of the track were approximately a dozen people who appeared to be about to urinate over twenty five sleeping pigs which had been 'stacked' at the side of the track. The faces made a diplomatic disappearance from the window and the train passed on it's way. 'Well', shouted Yaxley. 'I think we got away with that one !'
As the lights of the train faded into the distance, Clive Lancaster limped over to Brian Worthington, looking rather unhappy. 'I understand those pigs belong to your brother John' he snapped. 'Yis' replied Brian. 'Well, I would like to know what in hell they were doing out at night running amok through the streets of Barnham ?" demanded Lancaster. 'How the hell should I know what my brothers pigs are up to ?' replied Brian. 'I was in The Skaters, as you well know'. Lancaster brushed the dust and dirt from his wax jacket and attempted to knock his flat cap back into shape. 'I will expect a full written apology' he said sternly. "And if I do not, I will be placing the matter in the hands of my lawyer ! " And with that he span on his heel and limped back up Cauliflower Drove in the direction of the village. 'You can do what you bloody like, Bomber !" shouted Brian after his disappearing form.
Lancaster was soon joined in his trek back up the Drove by the various cars,
pick ups, mopeds and bicycles that had made the journey down from the pub.
After Jimmy Bullock had wearily made his way back up the signalbox steps,
only Yaxley Farcett and Fiona Morgan remained standing by the now contentedly
snoring pigs. "You didn't ask me what colour knickers I've got on" she said
with a smile. "You know it was the girl that stopped the train in the film".
Yaxley nodded and replied "Yes, but I didn't want to embarrass you on our
first date". Fiona slipped her arm around Yaxley's waist and said 'But I
bet you're interested aren't you ?' Yaxley grinned and said 'Ummm, yeah I
s'pose I am. Are you going to tell me ?" Fiona leaned forward and whispered
something in Yaxley's ear. He gulped deeply, as only the truly shocked can.
'D'you want to go for a walk in the moonlight ?' asked Fiona. Yaxley, I'm
sure you can imagine, nodded.
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 40 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader