by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 34 - "The Bay of Pigs" - (May 18th 1998 8.00-11.00pm)
Su Parsons had just finished her rendition of 'Love Hangover' and was was milking the applause. She became all 'Shirley Bassey' and waved at people and smiled a lot. Hummer Thompson, who had been sipping on his brown ale and watching with interest, turned to Clunch Parsons and observed, "Yor 'ol girl Su's got a fair set 'o railings int she Cluncher". Parsons, who in forty seven years had never really taken much notice of his sisters teeth, looked curiously at Hummer and replied, "Yis. I 'spose she hes" "Yis" continued Hummer, "She's got a big 'ol arse an all.... I'm just gorn outside to make sure no young buggers hev let my tyres down" and with that, Hummer walked off to leave Clunch wondering what had made Hummer reveal this hitherto unremarked interest in his sister. He had to admit that she had been especially sassy tonight and he realised that the young detective, Farcett, had been the target of her smouldering.
Meanwhile, at the bar, Fiona Morgan was having a laugh at Farcett's expense. "I'm obviously far too young for you Yaxley. You seem to have that certain something that the more mature woman is after". Farcett pulled the peak of his baseball cap down over his eyes to hide his embarrassment and replied "Give over, Fiona. I've only spoken to her once, when I dumped my stuff off today. I was going to interview her but I daren't now. She'll bloody eat me alive " Johnny Swift laughed loudly and shouted, "She can eat me any time she likes man. I've not been on anyones menu for a long time".
Su Parsons had made way for Jak Jackson, who had produced his beloved Gretch guitar and was quietly playing some blues guitar while people went to the bar for drinks. Su walked over to Yaxley and purred, "Evening bor. When are yew gonna interview me then. Om lookin' forward to it". The transformation from smouldering American Diva to Fenland landlady was complete. Yaxley no longer felt threatened. "I've been meaning to see you Mrs.Parsons. Will tomorrow morning be ok ?" Su leaned forward, stroked Yaxley under the chin and breathed heavily, "Tomorrow morning will be jest farn Yaxley. We can talk over brekfust !" Yaxley felt threatened again. Just his luck to get a landlady with a pseudo American personality disorder.
As Yaxley and Fiona were discussing the seriousness of Su's 'threat', the
front door of The Skaters Run burst open and in rushed the distressed person
of Hummer Thompson, obviously shaken up. So much so that he was having problems
Everyhere. All up the street." Clunch Parson's quickly went up to Hummer
to calm him down. "Wos up Hum ?" he asked kindly. Before Hummer could make
himself understood the growing sound of squealing and shrieking got louder
and louder. A grunting, angry, uncontrolled noise of fear and excitement.
Everyone in the pub made a rush for the door leaving Hummer and Clunch sitting
at a table. Brian Worthington got to the door first and was greeted by the
sight of Clive Lancaster, who had been strolling to the pub for a quick one
before last orders, sprinting past with the peak of his cap flapping in the
breeze and his barbour jacket flying behind him like an agricultural Batman.
About ten yards behind him were about twenty five snorting, snarling, grunting
pigs who were obviously not in best humour. Brian began to laugh and turned
round to shout to the crowd that had got stuck in the bottleneck behind him,
"Our John's saddleback's are out ! Come on everyone. The stupid buggers are
heading off down to the river !"
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 35 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader