by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 33 - "This One's For You Yaxley" - (May 18th 1998 8.00-11.00pm)
Mick Brawdmore sloped back to his seat in the corner of the The Skaters Run, face scarlet and shining with perspiration. His interpretation of "Fanfare for the common man" had been a resounding success. Passing him, en route to the microphone, was Yaxley Farcett's landlady, Su Parsons. Although blessed with the figure of someone ten years her junior, Su had not kept up with the times, fashion wise. She liked to dress up for Johnny Swift's Karaoke nights and tonight was no exception. Starting from the top she had piled her hair up for that sophisticated look and sported large hooped gold earrings. From then on it was downhill all the way. Her brown nylon blouse would have looked more at home in one of those seventies 'Kitchen Sink dramas' where everyone used to shout at each other all the time. The white skirt and black tights clashed more violently than Desert Storm and the white high heeled shoes just seemed to finish off the whole sorry outfit. But in the strange way that these things happen she could sing like a bird. In the same way that Jimmy Nail shocked the nation when he first sang on 'Auf Wiedersein Pet', Su Parsons could silence a newcomer to The Skaters Run just as they were nudging their other halves to check out her awful clothes. Su was a star. Caressing the microphone in a rather naughty way she gave a nod to Jak Jackson to roll the tape. "Hi everyone", (she became American while 'on stage'), "I'm gonna give you a 'Love Hangover'. I think you all know what I mean !" There followed much oohing and aahing as Su threw herself wholeheartedly into the song. Conversation in the pub stopped. No one ordered drinks and Johnny Swift, the landlord, leaned over the beer pumps, engrossed in the performance. All eyes were on the Chanteuse of the Fens, The Voice of the Isle, The undiscovered songbird of Barnham.
Yaxley, sitting at the bar with Fiona, was only aware of the fact that Su
was singing to the whole pub, doing the rounds with her eyes. But, as the
song progressed and as Su began to get more involved in the song she seemed
to be maintaining less eye contact with the rest of the room. In fact she
was singing to him. Yaxley, drank deeply from his pint, scratched his ear,
counted the change in his pocket. Yet every time he looked up, Su was singing
and looking at him. He began to go red and started to fold and unfold his
arms in a state of acute embarrassment. Yaxley was not comfortable with such
overt sexiness and found himself wanting to run out of the pub. As he'd only
met his new landlady briefly, earlier that day, he tried to convince himself
that it was just her style. She wasn't really making overtures to him. She
wasn't a Landlady from hell. As those thoughts began to circulate through
his beery brain he felt someone blow in his ear. Johnny Swift had leant forward
and whispered to him, "This one's for you Yaxley Farcett. I hope you've got
a strong lock on your door !"
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 34 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
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Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader