by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 31 - "A Spurkerling Parsonality" - (May 18th 1998 7.55pm)
"I" said the thirsty customer, "am Trent. Graham Trent". He turned once more to Johnny Swift behind the bar and said impatiently, "And I'm still waiting for my pint, Geordie !" After slaking his thirst with a gargantuan pull on his pint of Velocity..."The Lager for Men in a Hurry" he returned his attention to the quietly seething Detective at his side. "And you'd stand more chance of catching the murderer of my old mate Reggie Dixon if you weren't in here, Mr. Yaxley Farcett". Yaxley resisted the urge to throw his beer over Trent. Instead he asked through gritted teeth, "You knew Mr.Dixon well then ?"
"Oh Yes, didn't I Mr.Ricketts. Me and Mr.Dixon were very well aquainted. Have you heard what my line of business is, Mr.Farcett ?" Yaxley groaned. Just what he needed, a monolgue about how this man had got where he is today. "No. I haven't had the pleasure of this information yet. Do tell me". Trent finished his pint, rattled his glass on the bar, and said, "I, Mr.Farcett, am the Editor of "Ealham on The Net" the electronic news gathering service for The Fens. Reggie Dixon was my Agricultural Correspondent until a fortnight ago". He gave a passable imitation of someone looking mildy upset and added, "We go back a long way, me and Reggie". Yaxley frowned at this latest piece of news. He'd been a fan of 'Twin Peaks' years before and he was starting to get the strangest feeling that he was actually in it now. Graham Trent quickly drained his second pint of Velocity and slapped Yaxley on the back. Hard. "Well. I can't hang about here all night. I've got things to do. If I can help you in any way, just say the word" With that Trent billowed out of the door. Just before it had time to slam behind him, he stuck his head back inside, and shouted with a emotionally racked voice, "Reggie was a good man. He had a Spurkerling Parsonality !"
When the door finally shut behind Trent, Yaxley turned to Fred Ricketts and blew out his cheeks, "Strooth, Fred ! I should have taken your warning and not got involved. Is he always like that ?" Ricketts nodded sagely. "Yup. I'm 'fraid ee is. Our Mr.Trent fancies his self a bit. A bloody big 'ed I reckon". Yaxley thought about what Trent had said for a second and said "Hang on a minute, Fred. Did he say that Dixon had worked for him until a couple of weeks ago ? Do you know what happened ?"
"Well", replied Ricketts. "far as I can tell, they got on like a bloody 'ouse on fire for a start until Reg started to get a bit too clever for his own good. Trent wanted him to write about farming and the countryside. While Reg stuck to pheasants and broad beans it were alright". Ricketts took another slow pull on his pint and carried on, " But then the silly bugger got bored and started to write what he wanted and Trent didn't like it. Last straw were when Reg gave way to his Cliff Richard obssession and started up his own "Harry Webb Site".
Just then the door opened and in walked Fiona Morgan, looking jaw droppingly, pant stretchingly gorgeous.
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 32 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
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Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader