by Johnny Glover
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Episode 29 - "Fred Ricketts" - (May 18th 1998 7.30pm)
The Skaters Run was beginning to fill up. Jak Jackson was busying himself in the corner with cables and Hi Fi equipment in readiness for the Karaoke and Bunter (Brian) Worthington had got himself comfortable in a corner with Hummer Thompson. Hummer always came in at half past seven on the dot, bought himself a bottle of Manns brown ale and took a set of dominoes to his favourite table by the fire. He just waited for someone to join him. And someone always did.
Yaxley took another long pull on his pint of Quangleroot and smiled at his bar side companion, Fred Ricketts. "D'you mind if I call you Fred ?" he asked politely. Fred returned the smile and patted the young Drainage Inspector on the sleeve. "I don't mind at all me 'ol beauty. Any 'ol boor that likes his beer like you do can call me Fred. That Clive Lancaster has to call me Mr.Ricketts". Yaxley placed his pint back down on the bar and said gravely, "Fred, Can you tell me where you were between seven and eight o'clock this morning ? Ricketts gave a grin which displayed his nicotine stained teeth and replied, "I wondered when you were going to get round to that. Yeah, I can tell you. I don't know if anyone's already told yew but I live in a mobile home down at the bottom of Cauliflower Drove by the side of the River Snare. Jak Jackson over there is my neighbour. His barge is moored about half a mile upstream"
Just at that moment, as Jak's name was being taken in vain, he had livened up the Karaoke equipment and was playing a tape through the sound system. He had kept it low and then turned it up to eleven on the dial just as the first loud blast of 'Song 2' by Blur was ready to let rip. Fred and Yaxley span round and shouted at Jak to play something more befitting his age. Unfortunately for Bunter and Hummer, they had been totally unprepared for the aural assault, and the Domino Replica of Ealham Cathedral they had been patiently erecting clattered to the table as Hummer began to scream and started to dive under the table.
Jak restored the volume to background level and Fred Ricketts continued. "I always get up at five o'clock, hev a cup of tea, a bowl o' porridge and listen to the wireless for an hour. Then I take my 'ol dog, Bella, for a walk and check my eel traps". He winked at Yaxley and patted his arm again, "But yew won't be wanting to know much about them will yew boor ?" and he winked at Farcett. Yaxley laughed and said "I've been temporarily deaf since Jak put the music on, Fred." The older man continued to tell how he had taken the nights catch back to his mobile home to gut and prepare the eels for cooking. That had taken him until seven o'clock. He had put the eels into the basket on back of his bike and had cycled up Cauliflower Drove when he had arrived at Split Feather Farm. He always called in to see if the Worthington's wanted any poultry plucking. After leaning his bike against the side of the Worthington's coal shed he had walked around the side of the house.
"Old Daisy is normally ready with a cup of tea for me", Ricketts explained. "But this morning all I could hear was shouting and a crashing of pots and pans". Yaxley raised an eyebrow, "And who was doing the arguing ?" he enquired. "Well" said Fred, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "It were Daisy and Anne. The first bit I heard was Daisy shouting 'I've seen better lookin' cows un yew shit down their hocks afore ! And don't yew forget it !!'
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 30 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
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Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader