by Reg Dixon
click here for cast list
Episode 25 - "Zing ! went the elastic in Yaxley's Y-Fronts"
Brian and Yaxley Farcett strolled in through the door of 'Like Chips In The Night'. They were approached by a girl who looked no more than thirteen. 'Yes ?' she asked. 'Table for how many ?' Yaxley looked around. The Diner was empty. His red Ford Escort stood alone in the car park. It appeared as if the girl, Brian and himself were the only survivors of a Nuclear Attack. However, he went along with it. You had to didn't you ? 'Two. Just me and Dave Lee Travis' he quipped, 'Oh, and I want a smokers table. Don't want to upset any of your other diners' he added sarcastically, looking round deliberately at the empty tables. The girl, Lucille (Her surname was Hall and on her birth her father had thought it the best joke in the world to call her Lucille. He had had eight pints of Greene King IPA on the day he had registered her birth. Unfortunately, he had earlier agreed on 'Kate' with his wife. She left him a week after coming out of hospital and Lucille had been an only child in a one parent family ever since), pointed to a table in the far corner and invited them to sit down. Someone, apparently, would come and take their order in five minutes.
The two men slid in the small gap between bright red table and fluorescent yellow seat and picked up their menus. In the shape of huge black chips with pictures of stars all over them to signify the fact that it was a '24 Hr Diner !!!', the menu was extremely familiar to Yaxley Farcett. For although he moaned about the places, he ate most of his meals in them. He knew the menu off by heart. 'I'm having an 'AllDayer BrunchFest' Brian. D'You fancy one ? It's on me.' Brian nodded his agreement eagerly and and they sat back to relax. Well, as much as one can when trapped between two lumps of plastic.
Brian Worthington looked at Yaxley and said 'D'You mind if I'm honest with you ?' Yaxley eyed him suspiciously and replied 'Hmm. Go on then, as long as it's not too personal. You Fen Buggers are bit direct as I've found out already. Your Grandma has got a tongue on her'. Brian laughed, the 'DLT' jibe forgotten. 'No. It's nothing like that. It's your Detective Style that gets me. Now, you know I'm a big fan of the Cop shows and I love the 'maverick' cops; Morse, Columbo, Spender, Wainthropp. They're the best. You, however, are a maverick but don't seem to be getting very far. If you don't mind me saying'. He stopped abruptly, aware that he was only just short of insulting Farcett. Yaxley considered Brian Worthington's remarks and replied, 'The thing is Brian, this is my first murder. I'm having a problem knowing where to take it. All I've got in my head is a list of the facts; Reg Dixon Dead, No witnessess, no motive, murder weapon was a pitchfork, everyone has an alibi. Where do I go from there ? Brian shrugged his shoulders. 'All I can suggest is that we go to The Skaters Run tonight for a good drink. I'll introduce you to all the locals and we'll see if we can't loosen a few tongues'. Yaxley smiled. It had been one hell of a day. The thought of a few well earned pints sounded wonderful. He looked up as he heard a shy cough, it was Fiona Morgan, the girl who had helped him with his foot that morning. 'I see you're not limping any more' she said with a grin.
Yaxley gulped, she was looking more attractive than that morning. He bit the bullet. 'Fiona. Two Allday BrunchFests and........will you come out for a drink with me tonight ?' The second part had come out at a hundred miles an hour but she had heard.'I'll be in The Skaters Run at eight o'clock' she answered, span on her heel and walked (swayed !) back to the kitchen, leaving Yaxley wondering how long she had been standing there............
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 26 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader