by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Coming soon.......Colly in Your Mailbox! Yes Cauliflower Drove is now available via a purpose-created mailing list. Have each and every episode mailed directly to your mailbox rather then having to access it here within Ely On-Line. Make life easy.... get Colly in your mailbox by sending an e-mail to email@example.com
Episode 97 - "Thompson Would" (May 20th 1998 2-45 pm)
Clunch Parsons took a deep breath...'Yaxley ! It's Mr.Thompson, in the chapel, with the candlestick !!' Farcett stared at him, believing that Clunch was in the grip of some kind of Cluedo induced madness. The heads of many visitors to Ealham Cathedral craned round to see what all the fuss was about. At the far end of the cathedral, the graduates continued to file past the lectern to collect their hard-earned degrees from the Bishop of Ealham. 'Clunch' hissed Yaxley, 'Tell me slowly and carefully what has happened'.
Clunch leaned forward and spoke into Farcett's ear. In front of them, the Worthington's also waited to see what Clunch had to say. 'I went into the Peace Chapel a minute ago to get some more hymnbooks and I saw Mr.Morgan in there. He was practising the speech he's got to make later. Just kept wandering around repeating something about 'straying from the path of righteousness' and giving a funny look into this mirror. Anyway, Hummer came in to find me and saw the Welsh Windbag standing there...' He realised Fiona was there and quickly nodded to her and mumbled, 'err err no offence meant, Fiona'. Yaxley grabbed Clunch's sleeve. 'What's going on?'
Suddenly getting louder, Clunch shouted, 'Hummer got hold of Cedric Morgan by the neck and he's gorn to smash his bloody skull to bits with a candlestick if we don't get in there quick !' On the word 'smash', Yaxley was up out of his pew heading towards the Peace Chapel. As he'd been in there the previous day with Anne Worthington, he was able to lead the way. In his wake followed; Fiona, Clunch, Anne, John and Darren Worthington. As they scuttled round the back of the centre aisle towards the corridor they passed Graham Trent who was leaning against a wall taking notes. He saw the Barnham contingent heading, conga-like, in the direction of the Chapel and quickly followed, sensing that something was afoot.
Thirty seconds later they crashed in through the Chapel door and all stood transfixed as they registered the tableau before them. Hummer had taken the cords from half a dozen chorister's gowns and had tied Morgan's wrists and ankles to a chair. Hummer stood over him, obviously very distressed. He was brandishing a gold candlestick, which he had taken from the small altar of the most intimate and atmospheric of chapels in the historic building. Yaxley, realising this was serious, quickly turned around to lock the door. The huge key turned with a clunk and they waited for Hummer Thompson to speak.
He kept the Candlestick above his head like a javelin thrower about release his payload and turned his tear-streaked face to the ensemble. 'The bugger ! He knew my dad wanted that land to go to the village. Thought he'd make some dirty money out of it...I heard about it this morning. Turns out he started his fiddling nearly twenty year agoo !' Yaxley stepped forward and motioned to the others to sit down. Hesitantly, they found places on the pews as Hummer looked on, confused. He had fully expected to be manhandled to the ground and wasn't expecting an audience. Yaxley sat down nearest to Hummer and Morgan, only a short leap away. Instead of trying to surprise Hummer, he said. 'We're all here in the peace chapel and I know what this place is like. I was here with Anne only yesterday'. He turned to Mrs.Worthington and smiled. As she returned the smile, John Worthington scowled and pulled at her arm, which she shrugged aside impatiently. 'Yes' continued Yaxley, 'I think we should all say a small prayer for a few things. For the soul of Reg Dixon, who you all knew. For Hummer's dad and the love he had for the village of Barnham. And lastly' and he said this glaring at Morgan..'for all the people in the world who have greed in their hearts.'
As Hummer made the mistake of actually closing his eyes whilst praying, Yaxley bound forward and snatched the candlestick from Hummer, who stood rooted to the spot with his arm aloft like a startled Statue of Liberty. 'Nice one Farcett ! Nice one' shouted Trent from his position at the back..'Now lock the silly old bugger up..He can't threaten a Member of Parliament like that !' Yaxley turned sharply, clutching the candlestick and barked at Trent, 'If you don't shut your mouth, you'll get it'. Farcett then put his arm around Hummer and gently sat the old man down, leaving Morgan open mouthed in his chair. 'What about me ? Isn't someone going to let me go?' Fiona sighed and went forward to untie her father, commenting that she agreed with Yaxley that he deserved to have his brains bashed in.
After Morgan had been released and he had done a fair bit of rubbing his ankles and wrists and had threatened to sue Hummer for everything he'd got (which was rich seeing as how he had swindled a good proportion of his dads estate already), Yaxley sat down in the seat Morgan had been tied to. He took in the scene and realised that it was strangely Christiesque. His chair was in the centre of the chapel and scattered around him on pews, chairs and in the case of Trent, leaning against a wall, were all the main players in the Reg Dixon case; Clunch Parsons, Hummer Thompson, Graham Trent, John Worthington, Anne Worthington, Darren Worthington, Cedric Morgan and Fiona Morgan.
Yaxley placed the candlestick back in its position on the altar and turned to face his audience. Hummer had his head bent forward and appeared to be repenting for his attack on Morgan.
Farcett coughed and said....'Let me take you back to the beginning.....'
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 - Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 61 - Episode 62 - Episode 63 - Episode 64 - Episode 65 - Episode 66 - Episode 67 - Episode 68 - Episode 69 - Episode 70 - Episode 71 - Episode 72 - Episode 73 - Episode 74 - Episode 75 - Episode 76 - Episode 77 - Episode 78 - Episode 79 - Episode 80 - Episode 81 - Episode 82 - Episode 83 - Episode 84 - Episode 85 - Episode 86 - Episode 87 - Episode 88 - Episode 89 - Episode 90 - Episode 91 - Episode 92 - Episode 93 - Episode 94 - Episode 95 - Episode 96 - Episode 98 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader