by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Coming soon.......Colly in Your Mailbox! Yes Cauliflower Drove is now available via a purpose-created mailing list. Have each and every episode mailed directly to your mailbox rather then having to access it here within Ely On-Line. Make life easy.... get Colly in your mailbox by sending an e-mail to email@example.com
Episode 89 - "Onion Wringing" (May 19th 1998 5.15 pm)
Yaxley Farcett was mulling over the latest story he'd just heard from Fred Ricketts. This one concerned the fact that eating pigeon seven days in a row would prove fatal. Farcett leaned back in a chair by the window of The Skaters Run and ran his hands through his hair. Not a wise move as it turned out. His hair was badly in need of a wash and he instantly had the feeling that he wanted to wash his hands. He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket for a tissue and his hand hit upon something much harder than the two ply gossamer thin nose-wipe he was expecting. He pulled out, to his surprise, the photos he'd had developed the previous day at 'FotoFinish'.
The cardboard wallet was still slightly damp from his dip into the River Snare, but the photo's inside were intact. Idly sifting through them he half turned and saw that Fiona and Fred were still chatting away at the bar as Johnny Swift went round the room, collecting glasses and restoring the pub to it's pre-Cup Final neatness. Yaxley waved to Fiona , grinned, and turned back to the photos. Just imagine if Jak had caught the killer in the act he thought. He would have solved his first case in about an hour. He then came to the pictures of Fleur, Jak's girlfriend, that the signalman had taken on Ealham market. There she was, smiling on her craft stall; hair swept back, every inch the happy go lucky girl she appeared to be. It was while looking at this photo that Yaxley slapped his leg and screamed. 'What the hell's up with you Yaxley ?' shouted Fiona across the bar. Farcett was pointing at the picture in his hand and opening and shutting his mouth like a fish. Fiona strode across the bar and snatched it out of his hand. 'Well. What is it ?' she enquired. Then she frowned...'She's not that bloody good looking, you know !' and punched Farcett's arm.
'No..No..Not her. Look at the car in the background. And who's that leaning against it ?' Fiona looked more closely at the photo. Behind the Market Square on the far side of the road, just in front of the Bugg, Milton & Creech office building, stood Brian Worthington. He was handing over a package to another, slightly older man. They were both standing beside a bright yellow Fiat Lasagne; the other man with his free hand about to unlock the door. Fiona pursed her lips and said 'Looks like Brian to me, standing in front of a flashy car'. Yaxley nodded and exclaimed, 'But who's the other man ?' As Fiona shook her head Yaxley scrambled up out of his chair. He kissed the girl on the cheek and said, 'Keep Fred company. I've got to see Brian'.
Yaxley crossed the road and climbed the stairs up to flat 25B and unlocked his door. True to form Brian was sitting on his armchair watching the news coverage of the just-finished FA Cup Final. 'Alright Yax ?' he grinned. 'I like this bit. They always show the lap of honour on the news. I remember my old Mum always used to come in to see who'd won the Final when I lived at home. Never showed any interest in the match but always came in to see who'd won'.
Farcett ignored Worthington's nostalgic ramblings and thrust the photograph toward the reclining Fenman. 'What's all this !' shouted Yaxley. 'First you conveniently forget to tell me about your morning walks which give you the opportunity to kill Dixon and now it turns out you've had dealings with the bloody Fiat Lasagne !'
Brian held the picture to his face and frowned. He stared at Yaxley and said quietly, 'This must have been taken on Thursday'. Yaxley nodded, 'Yeah I suppose so. Jak said he'd been using the film up this week, that's why he happened to have his camera out yesterday morning. It's market day in Ealham on Thursday's as I very well know from what your brother John told me. Not just market day either from what I hear'. He added the last comment with an abrasive tone and Brian raised an eyebrow, unaware of Reg and Anne's extra curricular activities.
'Sit down Yaxley' said Brian and Farcett slumped heavily down next to him. 'Go on then' he said,'Let's hear it'. Brian cleared his throat and began: Clunch Parsons is in his mid-fifties now I 'spose. When he was an old boy of about ten or eleven he started coming down to Split Feather Farm to help on the land. He used to love onion wringing and potato picking apparently. Thas' what my Dad told me anyway, I were only a baby at the time. Anyway, Clunch used to like it down at the farm more than he did at home. They reckon his old man used to thrash him for being such a sod all the time. He weren't like that down Colly Drove though. He worked bloody hard. Thas' why my dad took him on when he left school three of four years later. He used to sit in the front room with my Grandma Joan and listen to her tell stories for hours. She were a real old Fen story teller, just like Fred Rickett's'....Brian laughed and added 'Same bloody stories I should think!'
Yaxley interrupted Brian and shouted 'What the hell has this got to do with Clunch and what on earth is 'Onion Ringing' ? Haven't you got bells like everyone else ???'
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 - Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 61 - Episode 62 - Episode 63 - Episode 64 - Episode 65 - Episode 66 - Episode 67 - Episode 68 - Episode 69 - Episode 70 - Episode 71 - Episode 72 - Episode 73 - Episode 74 - Episode 75 - Episode 76 - Episode 77 - Episode 78 - Episode 79 - Episode 80 - Episode 81 - Episode 82 - Episode 83 - Episode 84 - Episode 85 - Episode 86 - Episode 87 - Episode 88 - Episode 90 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader