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by Johnny Glover
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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!

Coming soon.......Colly in Your Mailbox! Yes Cauliflower Drove is now available via a purpose-created mailing list. Have each and every episode mailed directly to your mailbox rather then having to access it here within Ely On-Line. Make life easy.... get Colly in your mailbox by sending an e-mail to collymail@ely.org.uk

Episode 86 - "At It Like Rabbits!! " (May 19th 1998 4.30 pm)

'Expect a phone call from the Chief Inspector !' shouted Cedric Morgan, before slamming the door of The Skaters Run and leaving for another of his high profile political engagements. Yaxley Farcett drained the last of his pint and raised his eyebrows at the MP's outburst in a kind of 'Methinks the lady doth protest too much' kind of way. He had been deliberately probing with the man, hoping for a slip up. He had, in fact, discovered that Morgan had no alibi for the time of death and he also had sufficient motive. As Yaxley was pondering on these details, John Worthington, husband of Anne strode by his table, seemingly bound for the toilet. Farcett, remembering Anne's story about Trent threatening to tell John of their affair, stopped John in his path and said 'I'll get you one in shall I John ?' Worthington frowned and said gruffly 'Alright. The match is all over bar the shouting. I'll just drain off the last pint and come for a chat'.

John Worthington returned a couple minutes later and sat down heavily opposite Yaxley. 'Now then. What do you want me for ? I thought I'd told you everything yesterday'. This surprised Yaxley. Out of all the locals he'd seen so far, John was the one he'd had least involvement with, yet he was associated in the whole affair. His wife had been seeing the dead man and he had probably been told of the affair on the morning of the murder. He also owned the pigs, which had run riot through the village after eating food, which had been contaminated by a hugely potent Opium cocktail. And so far, all Yaxley had asked him was 'where were you at eight o'clock on Friday morning ? Hardly over exposure for someone as heavily involved as John Worthington.

'How well did your family know Reg Dixon ?' said Yaxley. 'I heard a rumour that there was some old feud between the two families that went back to an incident about eighty years ago. Worthington laughed. 'Yeah and I bet I know who told you that..Brian ?' Yaxley nodded. 'Don't take any notice of him. He's just a bloody old gossip. There's never been a feud...I just hated the blokes guts ! It were personal, but not a family feud' Yaxley raised an eyebrow. Sounds as if he was aware of Reg and Anne's fling. 'And why did you hate Dixon so much ?' asked Yaxley. 'Well don't you know already ?' barked Worthington angrily. 'You've been here two days you must know by now 'cos every other bugger seems to.

Dixon and my wife were having an affair'. Yaxley gazed at Worthington over the top of his pint before taking a sip and considering his next question. 'When did you find out John ?' Worthington leaned forward and hissed, 'Bloody months ago. They thought they were being so clever..bloody computer lessons and all the time they were having it away in her 'study'...bloody study she calls it!' Yaxley leaned in closer to John so their heads were almost touching 'How did you find out?'

'It was on a Thursday and we were off to Market as usual and at the last minute my old Mum said she didn't feel well and was going for a lie down. We left her there knowing that she could always shout for Anne if she needed anything. Anne were in her 'study' as usual doing some research...so she bloody told us. Anyway, my Mum woke up and felt dizzy and thought she might need the doctor. She managed to get to Anne's room and she were just about to go in when she heard two voices. The door were open a bit and she looked in, and there they were at it like bloody rabbits. She went back to her room and waited for us to get home and told me all about it that night. Bloody tart...and in my house !'

Yaxley was amazed at this confession. Worthington could not have done a better job of making himself prime suspect in the murder. 'Did you confront Anne with this ?' asked Yaxley. 'No' replied John. 'I hate to think what I might do if I confront her with it...anyway he's dead and out of the way now. So that's an end to it' Yaxley bit the bullet. 'Did you kill Dixon ?' John Worthington was silent for a moment. He looked Farcett in the eye and said steadily 'If I was going to kill anyone Farcett, it would have been myself'.

The prologue - Episode One -  Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 -  Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 -  Episode 8 -  Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 -  Episode 23 - Episode 24 -  Episode 25 - Episode 26 -  Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 -  Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 -  Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 61 - Episode 62 - Episode 63 - Episode 64 - Episode 65 - Episode 66 - Episode 67 - Episode 68 - Episode 69 -  Episode 70 -  Episode 71 - Episode 72 -  Episode 73 -  Episode 74 -  Episode 75 - Episode 76 -  Episode 77 - Episode 78 - Episode 79 - Episode 80 - Episode 81 - Episode 82 - Episode 83 -  Episode 84 - Episode 85 - Episode 87 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.

Comments to drove@ely.org.uk

Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"

Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.

Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.

DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!

MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?

James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."

World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader