by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
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Episode 76 - "On The Bleach" (May 19th 1998 2.30pm)
For what seemed like the twentieth time, Yaxley pulled out amongst the traffic and headed back towards Barnham. Beside him sat Fiona Morgan and in the back, Brian Worthington. He was sitting to attention, leaning forward with his head between the two front passenger seats, like an eager dog on a Sunday drive. He nodded along to the music Yaxley had selected for the twenty-minute journey back to The Skaters Run. Brian grimaced as 'Baba O'Reilly' by The Who finished and the distinctive opening lyrics of 'Sandy' by John Travolta came on. 'What the bloody hell is that row ?' complained Brian. 'Bit of a change, from The Who to this rubbish. Strooth- he can't even sing'. Fiona joined in the mockery by putting two fingers in her mouth and pretending to be sick, 'No wonder you've got a dickey tummy' she said, patting Yaxley's stomach - an action which was not lost on the young drainage Inspector, I can tell you !- adding, 'this syrupy tosh is enough to give anyone the gut ache. This is worse than 'Lady in Red'. At this Brian got rather annoyed. 'Just what is it with Chris De Burgh' he moaned indignantly. 'What is wrong with the man and his music ?' He then slumped back in his seat and glared out of the window as the countryside flew by. At this time on Cup Final afternoon the traffic consisted of women going out shopping with their mother's and men driving far too fast as they headed for home or an available TV set to watch the game of the year. Both Fiona and Brian had to try to shut out the sound of Yaxley's singing, as the hitherto hidden vocal talents of the Yorkshiremen were given full vent as his sang the hit song from 'Grease' word for word and at full volume. They both breathed a sigh of relief as he came to the final line and screamed...'Why I I I....oh Sandyyyy !' and did that John Travolta move where he pushed his hand up his face before pointing skywards.
'Huh' complained Brian, 'thas bloody wrong. He dint do that in 'Sandy'..he did that in 'Summer Nights'. Yaxley turned round in his seat briefly risking the traffic and answered back petulantly 'Oh yes he bloody did. And I've seen the film eight times, so I should know'. Brian stuck out his bottom lip and shook his head from side to side confidently. 'No mate, you're wrong. This'un finished at the drive-in and John were standin' in front of the screen. The 'face push' move were in 'Summer Nights'. He were standing on top of the bleachers when he did the 'face push'. Fiona squealed with laughter at this, 'What did you say Bri ? The Bleachers ?....get you Captain America' Brian went red and mumbled 'Well, thas' what they call them int it...the bleachers'.
Yaxley frowned at this last turn of the conversation and turned to Fiona. 'What the hell are you two on about...what are 'the bleacher's' ? People who attack you and then dye your hair white ? 'Well' said Fiona, teasing, 'It appears that Brian is better informed in matters Americana than the cool detective from the frozen north of Bradford. 'The bleachers', Mr.Farcett are where JT was standing at the end of 'Summer Nights' when he did the 'face push'. Yaxley thought for a moment and shouted, 'The bloody seats you mean ! He was standing at the top of those scaffoldy type seats. Why the hell do they call them 'the bleachers' ? Fiona shrugged her shoulders, 'I dunno, but I enjoyed hearing Brian say it and I'm glad you've admitted you were wrong, cos Brian is right about the face push and I've seen Grease nine times, so don't argue'. Presently, Yaxley pulled the car over in front of his lodgings at Su Parson's and they all climbed out onto the pavement. Yaxley gave his stiff necked signal to Brian once more, covertly pointing to Fiona while he did so.
'You get them in then Brian. Mines a Threaknecks..... Do you want to come in for a minute Fiona?' Brian Worthington scuttled off across the road to the Skaters Run mumbling something about finding good 'footie seats' for the three of them and Fiona smiled at Yaxley and raised an eyebrow. 'And what would you be wanting Detective ? Some help with your enquiries ? Something maybe you couldn't get from me last night ?' and with that she pushed past him towards the front door, just as Su Parson's opened it. Fiona breezed past her and headed straight up the stairs. Su Parsons glared at Yaxley and moaned, 'She oont dew yew any good...the Welsh bloody windbags little Princess. College education and now she works in a bloody burger bar !' Yaxley frowned as he passed Su as she ferociously brushed huge chunks of mud and dust from inside the porch onto the pavement, muttering 'that bloody Brian. Never wipes his feet when he comes in, just like yisty morning'
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 - Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 61 - Episode 62 - Episode 63 - Episode 64 - Episode 65 - Episode 66 - Episode 67 - Episode 68 - Episode 69 - Episode 70 - Episode 71 - Episode 72 - Episode 73 - Episode 74 - Episode 75 - Episode 77 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader