by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Coming soon.......Colly in Your Mailbox! Yes Cauliflower Drove is now available via a purpose-created mailing list. Have each and every episode mailed directly to your mailbox rather then having to access it here within Ely On-Line. Make life easy.... get Colly in your mailbox by sending an e-mail to email@example.com
Episode 72 - "Still Crying In The Chapel" (May 19th 1998 1.20pm)
As Anne Worthington crushed her head into Yaxley Farcett's ribs, sobbing uncontrollably, the grating sound of The Birdie Song began to trill from the inside of his Jacket. Yaxley gently pushed Mrs. Worthington's head to one side and extricated his mobile phone from the inside pocket. The jacket was still damp from his recent dip in the River Snare and he couldn't help thinking that Anne was filling her nostrils with some very unseemly smells. 'DI Farcett' he barked into the mouthpiece. 'Ah, I'm glad I've got yew' answered Sergeant Stumpsfield, 'We've just had another one of them E-mailings from Doctor Coggles in Cambridge'. Yaxley smiled and shifted Anne's head a little. She was now moaning quietly into his lap and he was aware that it might look slightly misleading, should anyone walk in and find them in that position. He'd already had a run in with the cleric on 'door security' and didn't want any more embarrassment. 'Go on then Stumpy' he replied 'What did Dr.Coggles have for us ?'
'Well....It's like this ere. The speech box thingamabob had got fingerprints all over the bloomin' thing. They were all the same person. They run it through that printmatch wosname and they reckon it were a man'. Yaxley frowned, A man ? Couldn't have been the she-devil in the car then. What the hell is going on here, he thought. 'Anything else Stumps ?' he continued. 'Yis Inspector. There is. They run a check on all the yellow Fiat Lasagne's in the country and they reckon there are about two hundred on 'em. There are only six in this area though. We checked all the names but none of 'em mean anything to me'.
Yaxley leaned back to allow Anne Worthington to sit up. She had now taken control of herself and set about tidying her hair and checking her make up in a small mirror. Farcet thought for a moment and said 'Right Stumpy. Is Brian still there? I don't think we can do much for now. I'll come to pick him up and get changed back into my jeans. These bloody trousers you lent me are killing me'.
Brian Worthington, who had been itching to get the phone out of Stumpsfield's hand all the time he was speaking to Yaxley, came on the phone. 'Hullo Yaxley. It's Brian here. I've got your Escort back at the station now. It was only the starter motor stuck. It's going like a bomb gain now'. Farcett agreed to meet Brian at the station in five minutes before he clicked the phone shut and turned his attention back to Anne Worthington. 'Anne' he said softly 'everything you have told me will stay with me and me alone. What I need you to do is to collect all the evidence you have on Trent and Morgan and file it for me. I need the dates of the council meetings, prints of any threatening e-mails and a statement from yourself detailing what happened between Trent and Reg Dixon in The Skaters Run car park on Thursday night'. He held her shoulders and looked her in the eyes.'I know you're devastated by what happened to Reg, but can you do all that for me?' Anne nodded confidently and appeared to have regained her cool. 'I will Inspector Farcett...I'll do it for Reggie'. She stood up, shook Yaxley's hand and left the small chapel to return to her flower arranging duties. As she walked out through the archway, Yaxley could only wonder at how she had managed to give him the talk on Opium Eating so calmly the previous afternoon. In fact Yaxley was always confused at the ways of women. Like they say; 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus'. Anne's transformation from inconsolable bereaved lover to cool calm collected flower arranging volunteer was nothing short of remarkable. Bet she's a hell of a star in local amateur dramatics thought Yaxley. He stood up and reached for his mobile phone once more. He bashed out a number and tapped his foot impatiently while waiting for an answer.
When Brian Worthington answered at the other end he said 'Brian, Get the car started and I'll bring Stumpy's patrol car back. I'm starving. D'you fancy an All Day Brunch Burger ?'
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 - Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 61 - Episode 62 - Episode 63 - Episode 64 - Episode 65 - Episode 66 - Episode 67 - Episode 68 - Episode 69 - Episode 70 - Episode 71 - Episode 73 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader