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by Johnny Glover
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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!

Coming soon.......Colly in Your Mailbox! Yes Cauliflower Drove is now available via a purpose-created mailing list. Have each and every episode mailed directly to your mailbox rather then having to access it here within Ely On-Line. Make life easy.... get Colly in your mailbox by sending an e-mail to collymail@ely.org.uk


Episode 69 - "Yaxley Does The Hucklebuck" (May 19th 1998 12.50pm)

YaxleyAfter discovering the land fraud that implicated Cedric Morgan and Graham Trent and also reading a vaguely threatening E-Mail that Trent had sent to Reg Dixon, Yaxley Farcett had decided that it was imperative that he meet with Anne Worthington again. After all, he only had the mailings and diary scribblings of Dixon to go on so far. Until he heard Anne's version of events he knew he would have to hold back. After all, Dixon could have been a conspiracy fantasist. He knew there were a lot of them about. This was, however, something to go on, and could eventually lead him to the murderer.

Yaxley logged off the computer and left Reg Dixon's house to it's books, dust and silence. He returned the key to Mrs.Brancaster, the next door neighbour, and climbed into Sergeant Stumpsfield's patrol car. After less than thirty hours in the area, Yaxley was already becoming familiar with the road between Barnham and Ealham. He drove through the village, once more having to make way for Darren Worthington in his tractor. The thought occurred to Yaxley that the boy just drove in circles all day, listening to heavy metal on his walkman. Once he was past the last stretch of housing on the outskirts of Barnham, Yaxley threw the gearstick into top gear and sped in the direction of Ealham Cathedral. He bounced the patrol car up onto the pavement in the shadow of the imposing East Tower of the building that had dominated the Fen Landscape for the past seven hundred years or so. Yaxley, though, had no time to dwell on historical matters as he barged through the forbidding oak door, almost banging his head on the low beam. He strode purposefully in the direction of a sign, which indicated a flower festival, which was due to be held over the next couple of days. Yaxley's passage was suddenly Trentyhalted by a young man dressed in green corduroy's and a black V neck sweater. He stepped smartly into Yaxley's path with the fleetness of foot that an AC Milan defender would use on a body check manoeuvre against a dribbling left winger. The young man gave a small embarrassed cough and almost said 'Ahem !'. Farcett moved to the left. His be-sweatered opponent moved with him. Dropping his right shoulder, Yaxley aimed for a gap between a gold plated eagle and a pillar. His way was blocked again. This time Yaxley stood his ground and glared at the man.

'Go on then' he asked. 'What's the game ? Is it my cap ? Not allowed to enter the hallowed portals while the Bishop is eating his lunch?' It was while he was getting himself worked up into rather a lather that Yaxley noticed, for the first time, the dog collar that the young cathedral defender was wearing.  

'Ah' mumbled Yaxley, quickly taking off his cap and stuffing it in the back pocket of his own, borrowed, corduroy's. 'I'm dreadfully sorry sir' said the young cleric in a soft voice, 'but we have a charge for entry to the Cathedral nowadays. For the upkeep, you know. Maybe you've heard of our campaign?'  Yaxley apologised for his aggressiveness and explained that he was a Detective Inspector for the East Anglian Constabulary Drainage Squad and that he was trying to get hold of a lady who was potentially in mortal danger. The cleric looked Yaxley up and down, taking in the uncombed hair, Brutus shirt, overly tight trousers and trainers. 'Hmmm' he replied with what appeared to be a disbelieving tone, 'And you'll have some identification to back that up I expect? AnneFarcett reached into his pocket and realised that his wallet and warrant card were still at the station with his clothes. 'Err..No I haven't. Sorry. You're just going to have to take my word for it'. The cleric shook his head gravely before saying, 'I'm sorry sir. Two pounds or out you go'. Just then, to Yaxley's immense relief, Anne Worthington appeared from behind a pillar with a wicker basket full of flowers in her arms. 'Mrs.Worthington !!' Yaxley bellowed, causing around twenty five people to spin round and glare at him.

'Oh..! Inspector Farcett !' replied Anne Worthington, 'Fancy seeing you here'. The young vicar stepped aside and Yaxley entered the main aisle of the cathedral......

The prologue - Episode One -  Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 -  Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 -  Episode 8 -  Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 -  Episode 23 - Episode 24 -  Episode 25 - Episode 26 -  Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 -  Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 -  Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 61 - Episode 62 - Episode 63 - Episode 64 - Episode 65 - Episode 66 - Episode 67 - Episode 68 -  Episode 70 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.

Comments to drove@ely.org.uk

Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"

Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.

Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.

DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!

MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?

James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."

World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader