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by Johnny Glover
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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!

Coming soon.......Colly in Your Mailbox! Yes Cauliflower Drove is now available via a purpose-created mailing list. Have each and every episode mailed directly to your mailbox rather then having to access it here within Ely On-Line. Make life easy.... get Colly in your mailbox by sending an e-mail to collymail@ely.org.uk


Episode 62 - "The Secret Of Hurst Farm" (May 19th 1998 11:15)

yax Yaxley Farcett wrinkled his nose, with something approaching distaste, as Brian Worthington had a chat with Prescott the Pig. They were standing in the yard of ‘Hurst Farm’, that the Worthington family now used as a store shed and home to their flock of pigs (or what ever the collective name is). Brian slapped Prescott on the hind quarters and he trotted back to join his porcine pals at the slubby end of the yard. It was a bright sunny Cup Final morning and the pigs were having a good wallow. Yaxley felt rather envious. ‘Right’ shouted Brian, above the grunting and squealing, ‘What are we doing here Yax ? bearin’ in mind that kick off is only three and three quarter hours away’. Farcett spread his arms wide and shouted back, ‘We’ve got nothing to go on in the Dixon case, so I thought we’d find out what caused your John’s pigs to go ape crazy last night. They were them doped pigsobviously doped somehow’. Farcett walked round to the side of the farmhouse where the sheds had been added on. ‘Is this where they kip then Bri ?’ Worthington nodded. ‘And where do they eat ?’ continued Farcett. Worthington indicated that the pigs stuck their noses in the collective trough down at the bottom end of the yard, which they were doing at that moment. Farcett stepped through the front door, ignoring the warning sign which Brian’s brother John had hung there. The house was basically four walls and a roof which let more in than it kept out. Along one wall were piled straw bales six deep and along another wall there were all manner of boxes, tea chests, spare tyres, parts of cars and bits and pieces of agricultural machinery that would have been better off in a museum. Farcett wiped a cobweb from his face, ‘Bloody hell Brian. This place is a death trap. Don’t you ever chuck anything out ?’ The two men had a look around what was the kitchen and living room of the old house, Yaxley eyeing the ceiling nervously. It was close to collapse and the old style straw and wood structure looked about to land on him. Brian, however, wandered about without taking much interest. He had been in the house a thousand times, to fetch food, fertiliser and various other items that his brother and father had stored in there.

briYaxley squeezed between a huge metal grain hopper and an almost bald tractor tyre. 'What's behind here at the back' he asked Brian. Brian peered into the gloom beyond Yaxley and replied, 'Dunno Yax. I've never been down there. John keeps all the stuff we use at this end. That's all the old junk that hasn't been used for years'. You’re telling me, thought Yaxley, as he bashed his shins against bicycle frames, old shovels and discarded pieces of furniture. He reached the back of the living room and there was an old oily tarpaulin sheet draped over something. He bent down, grasped the sheet in his hand and pulled it away. Beneath the tarpaulin, covered in dust, cobwebs and crawling with ants were three beer barrels. All had the name ‘Quangleroot’ burnt into the end in large letters with ‘Throbbinson’s Brewery’ in smaller letters at the bottom. The barrel at the right hand side, closest to the wall, had obviously leaked and run dry. Yaxley realised that the floor was soaking around his feet. The liquid had run along and out through a hole in the wall where the brickwork had crumbled away. Yaxley bent down and grabbed the wooden tap on the barrel. It was loose and had obviously been turned fully on by someone, causing the flood of liquid. Farcett continued to unscrew the tap until it came off in his hand. He put the tap in his pocket and turned to shout across to Brian. 'They eat in their sometimes you said, didn't you' as he pointed to the far wall of  the house. Brian nodded. 'Well in that case, I think we've found our Opium Den'. Yaxley scooped some of the sodden dust into a bag from the floor and passed it Brian along with the tap. 'I think we need the assistance of Dr. Coggles again Brian. I'll drop you off at Ealham Police station and you can get Stumpsfield to send these off. I want the liquid analysed and prints taken off that tap. Some one knew what was in those barrels, and it isn’t Quangleroot !' ‘What are yew goin’ to do while I’m in Ealham then Yaxley’ asked Brian. Farcett thought for a moment and replied, ‘I’m going to Chestnut Farm. I need to find out more about Reg Dixon’.

The prologue - Episode One -  Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 -  Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 -  Episode 8 -  Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 -  Episode 23 - Episode 24 -  Episode 25 - Episode 26 -  Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 -  Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 -  Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 61 - Episode 63Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.

Comments to drove@ely.org.uk

Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"

Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.

Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.

DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!

MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?

James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."

World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader