by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
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Episode 61 - "Wor Pigs" (May 19th 1998 11:00)
Yaxley Farcett climbed in behind the the wheel of Sergeant Stumpsfield's patrol car. Brian Worthington squeezed himself into the passenger seat and they were ready for the off once more. Yaxley gave a blast on the horn and drew the car out into the busy saturday shopping traffic. 'All getting their shopping done afore the Cup Final. Don't forget Yax, we need to be in The Skaters by about half past two to get a good seat' urged Brian. Farcett settled into his seat and accelerated as they reached a clear stretch of road. 'Don't worry Brian. I haven't missed a final since 1970 and I don't intend to now'. They left Ealham behind them and travelled the three miles or so to Barnham. As they began to pass the erratically placed farmhouses, Yaxley noticed that Brian had not spoken since they had left the Police station. 'Y'alright Brian ?' he asked. Worthington appeared to return from some distant place and snapped round to face his partner, 'Oh yeah yeah. Magic Yaxley, no problems'. Farcett frowned slightly and gave a nod, 'That's good.... Right Brian, where's this pig farm of your brother's ?' Worthington motioned for Farcett to turn left along Cromwell Street and they headed towards the opposite end of Barnham from The Skater's Run. 'How come you've got land up here as well then Bri ?' asked Farcett. 'Err..Err..' stumbled Brian, 'Let's see...My Great Grandad William and his wife Millie had a farm up this end of the village and some land. Then they bought Split Feather Farm down at Cauliflower Drove and moved down there. The old house up here was already getting in a right old state so they just left it to use for storin' things in. John still farms a couple of fields up here, but the main thing is his precious pigs. He let's them use what was the garden to live in. There's a couple of sheds that he built onto the side of the house. Yew'll see in a minute. It's a right bloody shanty town'. Yaxley slowed down and pulled to the side of the road to let a tractor pass and Brian's nephew Darren powered his almost new, but extremely slubby, Massey Ferguson tractor through the gap. Brian put his hand up but Darren was oblivious. His lank fringe obscured most of his face and he had his headphones clamped firmly in place.
'About another two hundred yards up here on the left, Yax' said Brian. Farcett indicated and pulled into the driveway of what he soon learned was the derelict 'Hurst Farm'. The two men got out of the Police car and wandered across to the house. The roof had slates missing in a few places and the brick work bulged dangerously along one side. One strong gale and the lot would be down, thought Yaxley. Across the top of the front door there was a hand painted sign on an old board. It read; 'Keep Out ! If you get hurt it's your fault !' Yaxley laughed and said to Brian, 'I don't know what the environmental people at the council would think to that'. Worthington gave a shrug of the shoulders and replied, 'It's bloody true though, innit !' As they stood looking at the house as Brian filled Yaxley in on some more of the family history, one of the pigs broke away from the main group at the other side of the yard and trotted over towards the two men. Farcett began to back away and reached for the car door. 'Don't be daft Yaxley. Thisson's a real pussy cat. Aren't you Prescott ?' Farcett grimaced as Brian bent down on his haunches and put his arms around the neck of the twenty five stone saddleback pig that had pinned Clive Lancaster to the railway line the previous evening. 'You're all better now aren't you Prescott ?' said Worthington, rather sweetly. 'Yes' said the pig.... No he didn't, he grunted.
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 - Episode 55 - Episode 56 - Episode 57 - Episode 58 - Episode 59 - Episode 60 - Episode 62 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to email@example.com
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader