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by Johnny Glover
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Episode 55 - "Slub !! Glorious Slub !! (May 19th 1998 09:45)

Yaxley on the caseGary Tweedy's van was just sinking below the surface of the River Snare as Yaxley Farcett and Brian Worthington made it to the bank. They slipped and slithered their way up the slubby side of the bank until they were laying on the grass at the side of the road, moaning to themselves. Yaxley took off his baseball cap and shook it furiously to get the weeds and slime off and looked down at his soaking clothes. Mr ToadBrian Worthington, sitting only feet away from him was looking stunned. He had a similar expression on his face to that of Mr.Toad after he had been run over by the car. Yaxley, fully expected him to say 'Parp Parp !' Brian's mouth opened and closed a couple of times before saying 'So, it were her that killed Reg then ?' Yaxley squeezed his cap back on his head and replied, 'Well, not necessarily Brian. She might just have seen me by the phone box and thought she'd finish what she started yesterday'. 'Bit of a bloody coincidence if yew ask me' said Brian gruffly, 'Anyway, shouldn't we be getting over to Ealham to take that box in for a check....' No sooner had the words left his mouth than both the men were staring at the bubbles which were now popping on the surface of the water where the van had done it's impression of the Titanic. 'Bugger' shouted Yaxley.

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A FEW WORDS ABOUT SLUB

People from far flung corners of the world may not have come across the word 'slub' before. They may be wondering what this strange stuff can be. The side of the bank was very slubby indeed, as Yaxley and Brian have just discovered. Indeed, Yaxley almost slid back into the river. It was only the fact that Brian grabbed his hand that he did not rejoin the van in the water. If you live in the Fens, Slub plays a major part in your every day life from about October through to April. If an advertising team were to try to market it, I suspect they would label it as 'MUDMAX !!' It is simply mud. But not townie mud. Not a little portion stuck to the heel of a well polished brogue. Fen slub is 'stuck to the bloomin' ankle in your wellies and every time you try to pull your foot up the soddin' boot starts to come off and then you're standing there on one bloody leg hoping you don't topple over and have to put your nice dry sock into the bloody stuff because you don't want to hev to go back to the house and bloody change do yew'.....sort of mud.

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'Bugger, Bugger, Bugger' shouted Yaxley. 'We've got to get that speech gizmo checked out. It's all we've got to go on so far'. Brian stood up and started to wipe himself down, weeds and slub hanging off the arms of his jacket. 'What about the car she were drivin' Yaxley. There can't be helicoptermany Fiat 'Lasagnes' about these parts. I've only ever seen one on 'Top Gear'. Jeremy Clarkson said it were like making love to your next door neighbour.. 'a thrilling ride and looks great coming up your driveway', summat like that anyway'. Yaxley grimaced, as a Ford Escort driver he wasn't interested in the machismo of fast cars. 'I don't suppose you remember the registration number Brian ?' Worthington looked up, 'Err, no. Sorry Yaxley'. On the off chance, Yaxley reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his mobile phone. He removed it from it's leather case and was more than a little surprised to find a dry phone. He dialled 999 and barked 'Ealham Police Station, please. I need a Helicopter'.

The prologue - Episode One -  Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 -  Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 -  Episode 8 -  Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 -  Episode 23 - Episode 24 -  Episode 25 - Episode 26 -  Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 -  Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 53 - Episode 54 -  Episode 56 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.

Comments to drove@ely.org.uk

Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"

Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.

Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.

DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!

MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?

James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."

World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader