by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 53 - "Yaxley's On The Road Again" - (May 19th 1998 09:30)
Yaxley Farcett was behind the wheel of a Transit Van belonging to the East Anglian Water Authority. He was travelling on the single track road that ran alongside the 'Thirty Foot' bank of the River Snare. Brian Worthington was leaning forward with his hands on the dashboard for support. The van slewed round corners and skidded in the dust as Farcett threw it around the bends. He needed to get to Plough Lane, Barnham as quickly as humanly possible. Another call to Gasbag 109 had been made from a kiosk there. Brian screamed at Farcett to slow down. 'Steady up bor ! He won't be there now will he ? Heeler buggered off long agoo'. Farcett turned to meet Worthington's disapproving stare and put his foot even harder down on the accelerator.
Ten minutes later they ground to a halt outside the phone box. There was no one there and no one about on the street. A face appeared between some net curtains on the other side of the road and quickly disappeared when Yaxley stared back. They walked cautiously toward the phone box and Farcett slowly opened the door. Coming from a large town, Yaxley was used to a phone box being festooned with adverts for french lessons and massages from large ladies. Barnham's communication centre had a sum total of two business cards. One was inviting callers to consider using 'Burpham & Son' for all their landscape gardening requirements. The other was a call to all lovers of rock 'n' roll to ring someone named 'Elvis Parsons' for all their live entertainment requirements. Yaxley laughed and passed the card to Brian, 'You like a good time here don't you?' he giggled. Brian looked at the card, pursed his lips and put the card in his pocket. You never know when you might require the services of an Elvis impersonator.
Wires hung down from the mouthpiece of the telephone handset and they were connected to a small metal box with dials, knobs and a digital display ran along the width of the contraption. From the way the wires were still connected with crocodile clips it looked as if the Stephen Hawking sound a like had made a hasty exit. Farcett took a handkerchief from his pocket and disconnected the equipment, using the handkerchief to avoid smudging any fingerprints. He placed the box into a bag and passed it to Brian. 'Something else for Sergeant Stumpsfield to get over to Cambridge for us. We'll see if our man has got any form'. Brian was sorely tempted to reply, 'Yes Guv !' but resisted.
The two men climbed back into the Transit van and headed in the direction of Ealham to hand over the new piece of evidence to the regular Police. As they bounced along the road with the River Snare to their left and fields to the right, Yaxley noticed a car coming up very fast from behind, until it was almost touching the bumper. 'Wos up with him ?' complained Brian. 'Looks more like a woman to me' replied Yaxley, craning his neck to get a better look in his rear view mirror. The trailing car flashed it's head lights a couple of times and swung out as if to overtake, before pulling back in behind the Transit van and remaining almost bumper to bumper. Yaxley increased his speed to seventy miles per hour and the car did likewise. As he leaned forward and concentrated on getting the van safely round the next left hand bend, he suddenly shouted to Brian. 'It's that bloody woman that stuck her heel through my shoe yesterday morning !' No sooner had he said that than the mobile phone stuck to the dashboard began to ring.
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 52 - Episode 54 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader