by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 52 - "The California Sluice - Part Two" - (May 19th 1998 09:10)
Yaxley Farcett and Brian Worthington were installed in the young detectives new office at The California Sluice on the River Snare. They were having a cup of tea and listening to 'Gasbag 109' on the radio in the hope that the synthesised caller would repeat his confession of earlier on. Sidney Prince, the morning show presenter was in full flow. He specialised in playing the devil's advocate and would wind up his audience to the point where they would phone in spitting and snarling with indignation. At that point Sidney Prince would become extremely pompous and berate them for getting angry and tell them that he would cut them off if they didn't stop it. He was a bully and he got great listening figures. On this particular morning he was defending the use of animals in research into cosmetics and suggesting that there was nothing wrong in smearing a piglet in sun tan lotion and putting it under a sun ray lamp until it began to smell like a bacon butty. He had received three irate calls, all which suggested that he was mad and in the pay of the large corporations. Sidney responded to the third caller, a lady from Cambridge, by saying that she was obviously a raving socialist of the old school and that she was 'sick to the core' if she believed that Sidney meant the animals any harm. 'Lets face it, Lady' he barked, 'Your type would be first to complain if little Johnny got burnt on holiday in Ibiza, wouldn't you !' There was a strangling sound from the caller as she fought to control her breathing as the anger welled up until she was on the verge of hyperventilating. 'I would cover up my children against the sun, you fool ! And what's more, I holiday in Scotland, not Ibiza, so my children do not run the risk of sunburn !' Sidney Prince cackled and shouted 'Get off the line Hippie and get a life !' Yaxley Farcett and Brian Worthington were engrossed. Now THIS was entertainment.
next call was the one they had been waiting for. Sidney Prince gave his usual
salutation- 'Hi, you're through to Gasbag 109. What's your beef ?' There
was a silence for a second or two, which always seems like a hour on radio
and then the strange mechanoid voice filled the office. 'It was me. I killed
Reginald Dixon. I acted alone. I will pay the ultimate penalty'...and he/it
hung up. The voice was only on the second word and Yaxley was scrambling
for his mobile phone to call The Large Phone Company's special tracker line.
He soon discovered that the call had been traced to a telephone kiosk in
Plough Lane, Barnham. Yaxley threw on his jacket and headed for the door,
closely followed by Brian Worthington. They leapt into the Ford Escort and
Yaxley tried to start the car. Tried. The engine wouldn't turn over. He screamed
and beat his fists on the steering
'Waddawegonnadonoww !' he moaned. As luck would have it, an East Anglian
Water Authority van had just pulled into an empty space on the other side
of the car park. Farcett and Worthington dashed from the Escort to the van
and surprised the normally placid Gary Tweedy, who had just arrived at the
sluice for his morning cuppa. Farcett flashed his ID in Tweedy's face and
demanded that he hand over the keys to an officer of the Drainage Board.
Tweedy handed the keys to Farcett nonchalantly, 'There you go mate. Pleasure.
Any time'. A moment later, Farcett was spinning the transit van into reverse
and gunning the vehicle in the direction of Barnham for a potentially dangerous
encounter with a Professor Hawking soundalike in a small village in the
Cambridgeshire Fens. Somewhere, a cow mooed.
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 50 - Episode 51 - Episode 53 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader