by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 50 - "Breakfast At Yaxley's" - (May 19th 1998 08:30)
Yaxley Farcett was still sitting in his armchair at 25b Main Street, Barnham. He had just heard a strange synthesised voice confess to the murder of Reg Dixon over the airwaves of 'Gasbag 109'- East Anglia's premier, talk only, radio station. Although not five minutes ago, he had been berating the presenter, Sidney Prince, for his constant repetition of the phone number, he now found that he couldn't remember the damn thing. He knew that the caller was likely to ring back and he wanted the call to be traced. Farcett picked up the radio and shook it in frustration, shouting 'What's the bloody number ? Come on, Come on'. Rather than grant Yaxley his wish, Sidney Prince carried on as though he received confessions on a daily basis. He gave the listeners a brief account of Dixon's murder and replayed the news story that had been broadcast the morning before. Farcett groaned and frantically searched for a pen and paper in the hope that Prince would eventually give out the number. As he sat, poised, Brian Worthington crashed back in through the door. 'Alright Yax. Howya feelin' now bor ?' Farcett span round and said urgently, 'Brian. What's Gasbag 109's number. I can't remember the damn thing'. Brian laughed and said 'Strooth, you must have a hangover. It's 0900 109 109'. Farcett slowly and deliberately put his pen and paper away and mumbled, '.....ah yeah. I remember now. Bad reception on this thing'. He picked up the radio, shook it and made a bit of a show of retuning it as Brian grinned behind his back.
While Brian set about the breakfast, Farcett rang the radio station and gave instructions that any further calls from the synthesised voice should be held and traced. There was a special service provided by 'The Large Phone Company' whereby they could track down phone calls from Murderers, Stalkers, Perverts and that double glazing firm from Peterborough.
Worthington dished up the food; eggs, bacon, fried bread, black pudding and
baked beans, and the pair sat down at the table and ate in silence. The table
was placed next to the window and looked out over Main Street. As Farcett
began to feel the hot greasy food settle his stomach he watched the world
go by outside. This was the beginning of his first full day in Barnham. Su
Parsons was sweeping her front doorstep and giving a cheery greeting to everyone
who walked by, further up the road the sound of rattling bottles could be
heard as Eddie Eastman worked his way along the street and Johnny Swift was
cleaning the front windows of the Skaters Run. 'Wotcha think then ?' asked
Brian, still chewing on his bacon, 'Is this what yew expected ?' Yaxley Farcett
put down his knife and fork and thought for a moment. ' I dunno Brian. I
really didn't know what to expect. It's bloody flat around here, that's for
sure'. Brian laughed, 'Yis. It's a 'hideous fen of huge bigness' as someone
once said'. Yaxley grinned, 'Well I agree with the bigness part. I haven't
seen anything hideous yet'. Brian mopped his plate up with a slice of bread,
finished his mug of tea, slapped his ample stomach with his huge hand and
belched loudly. 'Well then, what's the plan bor ? We've got until three o'clock.
Don't forget the football'. Yaxley Farcett took a piece of paper from his
back pocket and read an address off it. 'Right Brian. I need to find my office.
According to this it's 'The Drainage Board Police Station- California Sluice
Gate Buildings'. D'you know where that is ?' Brian Worthington was already
putting his jacket on. 'C'Mon bor' he said. 'Let's get sleuthing'.
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 43 - Episode 44 - Episode 45 - Episode 46 - Episode 47 - Episode 48 - Episode 49 - Episode 51 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader