by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 43 - "The Pickled Egg and The Poppadom" - (May 18th 1998 Midnight)
Yaxley Farcett was feeling slightly better. He was leaning back in one of Fred Ricketts comfortable armchairs, gulping down a pint of water. Fiona Morgan was sitting beside him, trying to be supportive.
Farcett had only drunk the whisky to be sociable and now he had caused Fred to have to roll up his carpet and throw it outside to wash off the vomit. All this on top of the serious ear bashing they were about to receive for having been caught snooping through his caravan window. He'd had better days he had to admit. From the first phone call at nine o'clock that morning summoning him to Cauliflower Drove, his encounter with Bunter Worthington, the history lesson from Anne Worthington, the vast quantities of beer in The Skaters Run, his karaoke seduction by Su Parsons, the pigs on the Railway line and the Royal train and now this. Spewing up all over Fred's carpet. He'd been in the Fens for only fifteen hours. It'd been a bad day. It'd been one hell of a day. It'd been the mother of all days. He looked at his watch through his right eye, the left still tightly shut to allow him a grip on reality. Midnight. Thank god for that he thought; Let's see if this is going to be a better day. There was the small matter of Reg Dixon's murder to think about.
Fred Rickett's clambered back up the steps of his caravan and shut the door behind him. 'I've thrown a bucket of water over it to git the thickest off. I'll sort it out properly tomorrow. No harm done bor. I shoont 'a given you whisky after seeing you knock all that beer back in the pub'. He sat back down in his armchair and crossed his legs. 'Howya feeling now then bor ?' Yaxley put his glass down and said 'That's done the trick I think. Must have been all the excitement of moving down here and the murder and everything'. Yaxley had opted for the last resort of the embarrassed drinker; blame everything except the beer. Drink eight pints and eat a pickled egg and the resulting vesuvian vomit is the fault of the poor egg. Consume two bottles of Chardonnay and a poppadom and the following lavatorial lava flow rap falls on the crisp like Indian hors d'oeuvre. Fred Ricketts and Fiona grinned at each other across the compact caravan. 'Yes' said Fiona 'You were obviously very very excited'.
Yaxley thought it time to explain himself to Fred. 'I don't suspect you Fred. It's just that Fiona and me had wandered down here and I was curious. I mean, there's not many people would live down here on their own like this'. Fred smiled at Farcett. 'You're alright bor. You've got a job to do. I know that. Just didn't expect me to catch you snoopin' did you ?' Farcett shook his head. 'No. I forgot the time. I 'spose I thought you were still up at the pub'. 'Well, I were . I sat on my own in the pub and had a couple of quiet drinks and watched the place for Johnny while he were sorting out them pigs with you lot' explained Ricketts. 'Then about half an hour ago they all turned up again, all full of it they were. I left Johnny to lock up and came back here'. Ricketts took another long pull on his whisky and said, 'So, Yaxley Farcett. What exactly do yew want to know ?'
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 42 - Episode 44 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader