title pic

by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list

Episode 42 - "A Single Malt " - (May 18th 1998 11.55pm)

yaxleyFred Ricketts held the door of his caravan open to allow Yaxley Farcett and Fiona Morgan to shuffle in. They stood, waiting to be offered a seat, feeling rather like small children that have been caught raiding the biscuit tin. Ricketts gestured to them to sit down and he opened up a cupboard and took down a bottle of something and then fished around for three glasses. Yaxley sensed that he was making them suffer by not mentioning the fact that he had caught them snouting through his windows. 'Both like whisky ??' asked Ricketts. Yaxley and Fiona looked at each other and both mumbled 'yes' together. It didn't seem the best time to get choosy about drinks, when you were about to receive a tongue lashing from an old village sage. Ricketts poured three large measures into the glasses, passed one each to his guests and then sat down in his armchair. His dog, Bella, instantly crossed the room, laid down at his feet and rested it's chin on his boot. 'Cheers' said Ricketts and he drained half his glass, looking over the rim, expecting Yaxley and Fiona to do the Fionasame. Fiona did, much to Yaxley's surprise. As he held his glass to his lips and began to recoil at the smell he hated so much, he could see the girl copying the actions of the old man. She put her glass down on the table and commented 'You always keep a good bottle in don't you Fred ?' She turned to Yaxley and saw that he was still in the same position; glass at forty five degrees with a less than enthusiastic look on his face. Farcett hated whisky. Couldn't stand the stuff. He knew what would happen now. He was in a room with two aficionados of the bloody stuff. The beer from earlier in the evening was already starting to affect him. He knew he'd had too much because he was having to shut his left eye to focus. He knew the cajoling was about to start. He'd been in this situation so many times. And it did. Fiona turned to him and said 'Go oooon then. Get it down you. That's a classic Fred's given you. Enjoy it !' Farcett grimaced and began to explain that he couldn't drink spirits. They were just tooo strong for his sensitive palette and gentle stomach. He had been at a stag night once which had ended up at the grooms house when a gallon bottle of whisky had appeared and been passed round all the revellers to take a swig as the others counted to five. On that occasion Yaxley had been the last one to receive the bottle. He had put the bottle to his lips while the others counted him down. As the harsh detestable brew burnt his throat he was aware of the chanting...three ! four ! five ! He had placed the bottle on the floor and then projectile vomitted across the groom's mother's front room carpet. Yaxley had not touched a drop of whisky since that day. However, he screwed his left eye even shutter than before and looked at Fiona before draining his glass in one foul movement. He banged his glass down on the table and shouted 'Bradford 1 Barnham 0 !' before emptying the contents of his stomach all over Fred Ricketts carpet.

The prologue - Episode One -  Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 -  Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 -  Episode 8 -  Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 -  Episode 23 - Episode 24 -  Episode 25 - Episode 26 -  Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 41 - Episode 43 -  Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.

Comments to drove@ely.org.uk

Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"

Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.

Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.

DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!

MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?

James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."

World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader