by Johnny Glover
click here for cast list
Episode 41 - "Going Mobile" - (May 18th 1998 11.45pm)
"So your Dad's an MP ?" exclaimed Yaxley Farcett. "And where are they planning to build this Manure Burning power station then ?" Fiona stood in the middle of the drove, spun round in a circle, hair trailing behind, with arms flung out wide at her sides and said...'Right here. In the middle of all this glorious nothingness. Dad seems to think it'll please people because of the jobs it'll create, but he's got it wrong this time. The locals are up in arms" Yaxley looked around him and frowned, 'But no one lives here do they ? There's only Jak and Fred down there about another half a mile away and nothing between them and the village. What's the problem ?' Fiona grabbed him by the shoulders and glared at him, noses almost touching. 'Because, my Yorkshire Drainage Inspector, around here we like 'nothing'.
We like the big fields, the big sky, the wind, the fact that you can see for miles. We don't want a bloody great big shit belching factory down here !". Yaxley laughed, 'So you won't be supporting your old dad on this one then ?' Fiona stomped off down the drove and shouted over her shoulder "No I bloody well won't. Not where this is concerned". Yaxley jogged after her and caught her up. "Shall we change the subject ? It's too late for politics'. They carried on walking in silence for a while until the lights of Fred Ricketts caravan became brighter. Yaxley pulled on Fiona's hand and they walked along the grass track towards the caravan.
Although Yaxley had no particular reason to be suspicious of Fred Ricketts, he still felt curious enough to walk the circumference of the caravan, Fiona still gripping his hand. 'This is a bit clandestine, is'nt it ? Surely you don't suspect old Fred of anything ?' she hissed, although there wasn't a soul within earshot. Yaxley put his finger to his lips and moved a milk crate that was by the caravan door to beneath a window. He stood up on the crate and cupped his hands around his eyes to look inside. 'Well Sherlock. What can you see, apart from fishing tackle and dead eels ?' whispered Fiona. Farcett turned and looked back over his shoulder at the girl; 'Well, he reads a lot for a start. There's bookshelves all round the walls filled with reference books and biographies and lots of heavy weight stuff...Fred isn't a Jeffrey Archer man, and it's really tidy. I expected it to be a right pigsty, but it's really nice inside'
There was a throaty cough and a voice said '...And what did you expect it to be like, young Farcett?'
Yaxley and Fiona both spun round and were greeted by the sight of Fred Ricketts
standing not ten yards away, his bicycle at his side and Bella his dog panting
softly at his feet. Apart from feeling acute embarrassment at being caught
out so blatantly, Yaxley was feeling extremely curious as to how Fred could
have crept up on them so quietly. So he asked him. 'Fred, How the hell did
you creep up on us like that ?' Yaxley thought that would be a better strategy
than to bluster straight into an apology. He liked Fred and hadn't meant
to offend him by nosing through his windows. Ricketts wheeled his bicycle
up to the caravan and leaned it up against it. 'Country ways' replied Ricketts
'are different from City ways young Farcett. When I want to be quiet I can
be very very quiet and when I want to be loud I can be the loudest bugger
you've ever met... Tonight I'm quiet.' He climbed the two steps to the door
of the caravan and put the key in the lock. 'Are you coming in for a nightcap
then ?' he asked over his shoulder. Yaxley and Fiona glanced at each other
and nodded agreement before following the old man and his dog through the
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 16 - Episode 17 - Episode 18 - Episode 19 - Episode 20 - Episode 21 - Episode 22 - Episode 23 - Episode 24 - Episode 25 - Episode 26 - Episode 27 - Episode 28 - Episode 29 - Episode 30 - Episode 31 - Episode 32 - Episode 33 - Episode 34 - Episode 35 - Episode 36 - Episode 37 - Episode 38 - Episode 39 - Episode 40 - Episode 42 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
Comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugh, exiled fenman from King's Lynn says "Hev you ever thought about running a bus trip to see where "collie" is made like they do for Last Of the Summer Wine, Emmerdale, Corrie and the like. Could be a laugh!!!!!"
Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
Mike Northfield says "Oi reckons that there was one of those there freaky weather thingies that frew that there pitch fork 'ard enough t' stab 'im and cause serious illness such as death thats wot i fink......." - So Mike reckons the freak fen blow caused poor Reg's death.
DG says "I did you this time!!!!!!! Shame I hadn't pushed you harder in 1966!!!!!! Shame Nursy Broadhead saved you?????????????????" - after he sent this message they locked him up again!
MG says "I reckon it were suicide. You see, Reg was quite obviously a bit iron hoof or POOF as we call 'em, and in them there days, well it wer'nt propper wus it?
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader