by Reg Dixon
click here for cast list
Episode 16 - "Back to Cauliflower Drove Part 1" (May 18th 1998 3.45pm)
Yaxley Farcett was finding it hard to accustom himself to the undulating Fenland roads. As he and Brian Worthington made their way back from Ealham to Barnham, his old Escort was lurching all over the road. 'Bloody 'ell' shouted Brian, above the sound of Joe Tex singing 'Ain't gonna bump no more (with no big fat woman)'. This was rather apt, because although Brian was by no means a woman, he was bouncing around in Yaxley's car in a manner not dissimilar to that of an excitable Kangaroo on a bouncy castle (on a ferry) (in a high wind)....you get the picture ? 'Bloody Hell !' repeated Brian. 'Int there any suspension on this thing ?' Yaxley gripped the wheel; he hadn't considered slowing down to ease the bumping. 'No. The springs are shot. Doesn't really matter at home cos there are lots of hills, but the roads are smooth'.
They reached the turning for Cauliflower Drove and headed toward Split Feather Farm. Suddenly a tractor pulled out of a turning and stopped dead in the middle of the single track. Yaxley skidded to a halt and blew his horn. 'What are you doing ?' asked Brian. Yaxley turned and looked at him in amazement, 'What do you mean, What am I doing ? The Berk has just pulled out in front of me !'
'But it's a tractor !' exclaimed Brian 'This is a farming area, Yaxley' he continued in a tone that was just a bit too patronising for Farcett . Yaxley glared at him.'I don't care if it's Bill bloody Clinton's bulletproof stretch limo. He still shouldn't pull out in front of me. I'm going to have a word". Farcett climbed out of the Escort and strolled, coolly he thought, over to the tractor. In the drivers seat sat an eighteen year old lad. He was wearing jeans, a 'Heroes of Armageddon' t-shirt and had a pair of head phones jammed on top of his long hair. In his hands he held a couple of foot long twigs with which he appeared to be playing a drum solo on the steering wheel and dash board. "Oi ! Lummox Brain !' shouted Yaxley. 'Shift this bloody tonka toy now !" Unaware of his visitor, the lad continued to beat out a rhythm and sing the dreadful lyrics that only a third rate heavy metal band can produce. Yaxley picked up the drummers walkman, unplugged the head phone socket and shouted at him again. Spinning round in surprise, the boy said 'Oh, sorry mate. I'm waiting for a lorry to turn up. Didn't see you. I'll move". He started the engine and pulled over to the side of the road. As Yaxley walked back to his car Brian leaned out of the window and shouted to the boy, "Y'alright Darren !" The boy smiled on seeing him and shouted back " Oh. Wotcher Uncle Bri. Are you coming down for a cuppa ?" Yaxley heard this and groaned. 'So, he's your nephew ?' Brian nodded.
The prologue - Episode One - Episode 2 - Episode 3 - Episode 4 - Episode 5 - Episode 6 - Episode 7 - Episode 8 - Episode 9 - Episode 10 - Episode 11- Episode 12 - Episode 13 - Episode 14 - Episode 15 - Episode 17 - Cast List - 'Did you see the wrist watch in Ben Hur' ?- The Colly Continuity Page.
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Who Dunnit? Your suggestions Please.
James Brown says "I suspect a fallen pitchfork from one of the overhead helicopters ferrying a local farmer to the office of KLFM for one of their match reports on a Lynn home game."
World Leader reckons "I think that Monica woman did it. Damn girl never could keep her mouth shut. And she was always letting things drop". Yours World Leader